Routine Failure
….and Why My AuDHD Household Keeps Trying Anyway
Let’s circle back to the fact that I restarted the blog… and then promptly took a break.
Not only was it work-related, as mentioned in my last post, but my son’s father also suffered a major health crisis that forced all of our projects to pause so we could refocus on our little family.
Life tends to do that.
Just when you feel like you’re finally getting momentum, something bigger reminds you what actually matters.
The Myth of the Perfect Routine
In all my reading, podcast listening, virtual summits, and personal-growth rabbit holes, there is one thing that comes up again and again:
The importance of a daily routine.
I get it. They’re awesome.
The bees’ knees.
The key to success.
The secret weapon to conquering your day.
Wake up early.
Set intentions.
Drink your lemon water.
Journal.
Meditate.
Move your body.
Carpe diem.
And every time I hear it, I think:
Hell yes. I want all this. Let’s do it.
So I buy the morning journal to set my intentions.
I set my alarm earlier so I can work on personal growth before the chaos begins.
I adjust my nightly routine to make mornings smoother.
I write out a beautiful schedule.
And routinely…
I fail.
The Planner That Tried Its Best
Not only am I attempting to use the most legendary planner (which I will link below — no, it is not sponsored, and the Amazon description does not do it justice) for the third year, but it currently has more white-out in it than the Epstein files have black.
Just kidding.
You can’t top that one.
But truly, I have every scheduling tool imaginable. Time blocks. Habit trackers. Alarms that could probably warn a forest fire.
And here I am rewriting this blog post from January of 2024.
Needless to say…
I have not improved.
The Reality of Single Parenting
Being a single parent presents what can sometimes feel like endless challenges, and yes, part of my routine failure can be blamed on that.
Back then it was my youngest deciding to pull an all-nighter.
My oldest having a school project due tomorrow that he conveniently forgot to mention.
And oh… I don’t know…
Life in general.
Not much has changed on the life front. Even though they are both older now — one homeschooled and the other on what I like to call a religious dosing of melatonin.
But when I started looking deeper, I realized the issue might go further back.
Where Structure Was (and Wasn't) Learned
Prior to my parents’ divorce, I vaguely remember having a nightly routine and, to a lesser degree, a morning routine.
After the divorce, however, I mostly remember my mom waking me up and leaving me to my own devices.
My dad maintained routine when I visited him, but since I only saw him during breaks in the school year, it never translated into something consistent.
Then my dad got sick.
And at that point, he was just trying to make it through his own day.
Which meant, once again, I was largely managing myself.
Can I just say…
I have spent most of my adult life under horrible management.
Parents Are Human Too
Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I’m not blaming my parents.
Being a parent myself, and working on my own personal growth, has made one thing incredibly clear:
Our parents are just people.
People dealing with their own issues, doing the best they can with the tools they had.
It’s also led me to have candid conversations with my older son about the fact that Mommy is human.
I have emotions.
I make mistakes.
Sometimes I don’t get things right the first time.
Or the hundredth.
But I’m still learning how to be my own person while trying to be a (hopefully good) mom.
To which he replied:
“You’re doing a great job.”
(I know, right? Aww.)
Enter AuDHD
It also doesn’t help that we are all AuDHD in this house.
The struggle is real.
For those unfamiliar, ADHD and AuDHD (a combination of autism and ADHD traits) often come with challenges related to executive functioning.
Executive functioning includes things like:
planning
organization
time management
task initiation
emotional regulation
In other words… the exact skills needed to maintain a consistent routine.
Many people with ADHD thrive within structure, but struggle immensely to create and maintain that structure themselves.
Which explains a lot.
Learning Structure from Scratch
Realizing this, I’ve revamped the process in our household.
Yes.
Again.
I’ve realized that not only do I need routine in my mornings, but overall the boys and I need to learn structure from the ground up.
My failure wasn’t due to lack of desire.
Or laziness.
Or even being a single parent.
I simply never learned how to build consistent routines.
So instead of going guns blazing with a perfect morning routine, I’m starting smaller.
Much smaller.
The Basics (Like, Really Basic)
I’ve written out a time-blocked schedule for each of us.
And when I say time-blocked, I mean down to things like:
Brush your teeth
Wash your face
Ten-minute cleanup
Spend time with Mommy
Brother time
To some people this probably sounds ridiculous.
But if you ask someone who grew up without structure — and is raising AuDHD kids — you’ll quickly realize this is actually reparenting work.
Many adults with ADHD talk about the experience of having to teach themselves the life skills they were never shown.
Routine.
Organization.
Emotional regulation.
All the little systems that make life run smoother.
ADHD Reality Check
I see the funny reels all the time.
The ADHD person tethering themselves to a task so they can’t walk away.
The doom piles.
The notebooks full of good intentions.
Body doubling.
The jokes are funny because they’re true.
And they remind you that you’re not alone.
But living with it can still feel overwhelming.
Add parenting to the mix?
New level unlocked.
Single parent with multiple kids?
I won’t say it’s the final boss…
But it definitely feels like it some days.
Discipline vs. Brain Chemistry
With all this planning comes the word people love to throw around:
Discipline.
From the outside, many people assume that ADHD is simply a discipline issue.
Trust me…
I wish my brain worked that way.
Let me borrow some.
Because ADHD brains often struggle with regulating attention, not simply choosing where to put it.
Sometimes we can’t focus.
Other times we focus too well.
The Hyperfocus Problem
Case in point.
My son would hyperfocus so deeply on things he loved when he was younger that he would ignore his body’s cues to go to the bathroom.
Which led to people assuming it was a potty training issue.
Or even a medical condition.
Meanwhile…
I still do this as an adult.
On my unmedicated days, I will get so focused on something that I ignore the need to pee until I’m making a full sprint across the house.
Sorry. Not sorry.
We keep it real here.
Some people have to schedule meetings.
We schedule bathroom breaks.
And if this isn’t something you’ve ever had to deal with?
May you continue to be God’s favorite.
ADHD Emotional Swings
I hesitate to compare ADHD to bipolar disorder, especially because my son’s father is currently dealing with very real struggles related to that condition.
But if I had to loosely explain what ADHD task cycles feel like, it’s something like this:
We’re either in task depression — overwhelmed, dysregulated, stuck.
Or task mania — hyperfocused, obsessed, researching a new hobby at 2 a.m.
The balance is hard.
Medication can help regulate that.
But it doesn’t magically teach the life skills that still need to be learned.
Showing Up Anyway
Even today…
With work stress.
A house that looks like a natural disaster.
And an overall sense of blah.
I chose to show up.
Maybe later than I planned.
But I followed my calendar.
I wrote the post.
Sometimes discipline looks like doing the thing imperfectly anyway.
Fake it till you make it.
The Real Win
But bigger than routine…
More important than structure…
Even more than discipline…
Is the mindset shift.
I am not failing.
I am learning.
The effort itself is the win.
Each small step.
Each tiny habit.
Each attempt at structure.
They move my boys and me closer to building the life we want.
Even when the odds feel stacked against us.
Perfection isn’t the goal.
Because life will always interrupt.
The only real failure would be stopping the attempt altogether.
And that’s one thing I’m not willing to do.
Full Circle
Maybe routines don’t fail because we’re lazy.
Maybe they fail because life changes.
And sometimes restarting — a routine, a project, or even a blog — is just part of learning how to build something that actually fits your life.
Huh… it’s almost like I named my blog for that.
Even when the routine fails, my love for those reading this doesn’t.
Your Builder,
Lauren
P.S. Apparently International Women’s Day happened while I was busy failing at routines. We’ll celebrate properly next year. Add it to the planner… right next to the bathroom reminders.
As promised, here’s the planner I mentioned: Legend Planner. It’s honestly one of the best I’ve found. Some notable features that set it apart, are where you outline your dreams, goals, and journey, along with space for monthly reflection.
