The Power of Saying No (Without Guilt)
A couple of weeks ago, I co-hosted our monthly event for my women’s group.
First—let me brag about this group and its founder. She’s an incredible woman and mama who created something really special: a space for women from all walks of life to come together once a month—to connect, laugh, learn, or just breathe.
Not being originally from here, and after I stepped away from roller derby (which deserves its own post, and trust me, we’ll get there), it’s been hard to make adult female friendships. But I’ve been part of this group for about six years now, and it’s something I genuinely look forward to.
Last month’s event? A wellness night and acupuncture clinic.
Huge shoutout to Ivy Garden of Wellness and my amazing friends Jess and Tacy—link below because, yes, I am absolutely plugging women who pour into other women.
As women filtered in for treatment, I created a list of mindfulness questions for them to sit with while they waited. Nothing too heavy—just little prompts to nudge them back toward themselves.
But something surprising (and kinda heavy) happened:
Many of us couldn’t answer them.
We literally had to pause and think hard… about things like:
"What do I need more of?"
"When was the last time I did something just for myself?"
"What emotion have I been avoiding?"
These aren’t trick questions. But they’re hard when you’ve spent so much time taking care of everyone else.
Hard when you always say yes.
Hard when you’ve been handing out parts of yourself on autopilot for years.
Burnout Isn’t a Buzzword—It’s a Silent Epidemic
So many of us—especially women—have been taught that saying yes is noble. That being needed is our value. That if we say no, we’re letting someone down.
And listen, nurturing is in our bones. Caregiving is instinctual for many of us. But what happens when we’ve given away so much care that we forget to care for ourselves?
We burn out.
And not just in the "I'm tired" way.
We feel guilty when we rest.
We feel selfish for needing space.
We feel uncomfortable not helping, even when we have nothing left to give.
We turn ourselves into emotional overdraft accounts, constantly handing out more than we’ve replenished.
You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup—And You Shouldn’t Have To
If your body, mind, and spirit were a bank account, would you be in the negative right now?
Think about it.
Every time you get a little deposit—an hour alone, a compliment, a nap, a podcast that stirs your soul—you immediately give it away.
You don’t let your balance build.
You don’t give yourself permission to keep the good stuff for yourself first.
And then… the metaphorical flat tire hits.
The emotional emergency.
The unexpected bill.
And you realize: You’ve got nothing left to cover it.
Saying “No” Isn’t Selfish. It’s Sacred.
Saying no isn’t a rejection of others. It’s a reclamation of self.
It’s setting a boundary that says:
“I am worthy of rest.”
“I need time to replenish.”
“I am not abandoning you—I am choosing me.”
We’re not just fighting people-pleasing habits.
We’re unlearning ancestral patterns, too. Generations of women before us didn’t always have the permission or privilege to say no.
They survived by putting everyone else first.
And now, we carry that guilt like it’s inherited.
But it stops with us.
Not because we don’t care.
But because we care so much—we know we can’t keep living this way.
How to Break the Yes Cycle and Heal From Burnout
Here are a few ways to start gently honoring your own capacity:
1. Practice Saying “Let Me Get Back to You”
You don’t owe an immediate yes. Give yourself space to check in with your energy before committing.
2. Check Your Capacity, Not Just Your Calendar
Just because your schedule is open doesn’t mean your nervous system is. Energy matters more than availability.
3. Start With Small “No’s”
Decline an extra task. Skip an event. Say no to guilt-tripping yourself into overextending.
4. Create a “Replenishment List”
Write down 5 things that refill your cup (even if it’s silence, a nap, or watching water boil in peace). Do one weekly.
5. Ask: Who or What Pours Into Me?
Your giving shouldn't be one-sided. Relationships should be reciprocal. If no one’s pouring into you—you’re allowed to pause, refill, and protect your peace.
This Is the Work of Rebuilding
This blog—The Building Life—isn’t just about furniture flips, home projects, or poetic reflections.
It’s about rebuilding from the inside out.
Tearing down beliefs that no longer serve us.
Saying yes to ourselves with the same energy we give to everyone else.
So here’s your permission slip (in case no one’s handed you one lately):
You can say no and still be kind.
You can rest and still be worthy.
You can be full of love without being emptied out.
And when you forget—come back here.
We’re building something better.
With a boundary and a hug,
Lauren 🤎
Shoutout to Ivy Garden of Wellness, Jess & Tacy – thank you for holding space for women to come home to themselves.
ResourcesSaying No, Boundaries & Burnout Reading List