Destroy to Become: Finding Beauty in the Breakdown
New Moon. Equinox. And the version of me that didn’t make it.
I was supposed to post this Monday.
That was the plan.
The routine.
The structure I told myself I was finally going to stick to.
And then… I didn’t.
Again.
For a second, it felt familiar — that quiet frustration that creeps in when you miss your own expectations. Like you’re somehow failing at something that should be simple. Like discipline is something other people were handed and you’re still trying to build from scratch. And if you haven’t read Routine Failure over on the main blog, you might want to.
But this time felt different.
There’s something about this week — the new moon lining up with the spring equinox — that makes everything feel like it’s shifting under the surface.
Not loudly.
Not dramatically.
Just enough to notice that something old doesn’t fit anymore.
The unexplainable exhaustion. Skin feeling too tight. Lights too bright. This existence isn’t real. Get me out of the matrix!!!!!
Breathe.
The equinox is balance — light and dark, equal for a moment before everything tips forward again.
The new moon is beginning — but not the kind you announce. The kind you feel before you understand.
And somewhere in between those two… things break. Possibly my sanity.
I’ve been sitting in that space a lot lately.
Not a full collapse.
Not a breakthrough either.
Just that in-between. And honestly, it’s a bit mentally exhausting.
The place where you realize:
the routines you tried to force aren’t working
the expectations you put on yourself don’t feel aligned
and the version of you that created them… isn’t who you are anymore
Somewhere between this space and my recent Brain(storm), this playlist sprang forth — just in time for whatever is happening in the sky right now.
Not in a dramatic, burn-your-life-down way. (Though I considered it)
But in the quieter, more honest way.
The way where you admit:
this isn’t working
this isn’t me
and I don’t want to keep pretending it is
There’s a narrative around growth that makes it feel clean.
Like you decide to change, and then you do.
But it doesn’t feel like that.
It feels like:
missing the post you said you’d publish
questioning your structure
sitting in the discomfort of not having it figured out
It feels like songs that sound heavy but hold something softer underneath.
Like Caramel by Sleep Token — bright on the surface, but if you listen closely, it’s about the weight of being seen and the pressure of identity.
Like the entire Destroy to Become playlist — songs that don’t rush you out of the breakdown, but sit with you in it long enough for something to shift.
That’s the point.
It wasn’t a failure of routine.
It was a signal.
That the way I was trying to show up
was built for a version of me
that doesn’t exist anymore (if it ever did).
That I am human. That there is beauty in the breakdown - musically and mentally.
The new moon doesn’t ask you to be ready.
The equinox doesn’t ask you to have balance figured out.
They just happen. Life just happens.
Things shift whether you’re prepared or not.
Growth isn’t about getting it right.
It’s about recognizing when something no longer fits
and having the courage to let it go —
even if you don’t know what replaces it yet.
This space — The Frequency Pit — isn’t going to be perfect. I sure as heck am NOT.
It’s going to evolve.
It’s going to miss a post.
It’s going to feel messy sometimes. Most times, who am I kidding.
But that is what makes it real.
And right now, real looks like this:
Destroying what no longer fits…
to become who I’m meant to be.
Even if I don’t fully know who that is yet.
The Arc
And no, not Noah’s. I’ll try to keep this updated as new songs are added… unless life happens. Send me your suggestions.
DESTRUCTION (Break the old self)
“Destroy Everything” – Hatebreed
“Dethrone” – Bad Omens
“Popular Monster” – Falling In Reverse
“Monster” – Skillet
“The Lines” – Beartooth
“Fake It” – Seether
“Sepsis” – GORE.
COLLAPSE (Sit in the chaos)
“Suffocate” – Aurorawave
“Take Me Under” – Amira Elfeky
“Dead Butterflies” – SkyDxddy
“Is It Really You?” – Loathe
“Bishop” – Trauma Ray
“Haze” – Hidden Mothers
“Gravity (Stripped)” – Wage War
“Let Go” – Frou Frou
AWARENESS (The shift begins)
“Can You Feel My Heart” – Bring Me The Horizon
“Doomed” – Bring Me The Horizon
“Feel Nothing” – The Plot In You
“Paralyzed” – LANDMVRKS
“Movement” – Love Is Noise
“who am i?” – Split Chain
REBUILD (Reclaim yourself)
“Circle With Me” – Spiritbox
“Unbreakable” – Of Mice & Men
“Stronger” – Through Fire
“The Mountain” – Three Days Grace
“VICES” – Mothica
“Came Out Swinging” – The Wonder Years
ASCENSION (Become who you are)
“Perseverance” – Hatebreed
“The Middle” – Jimmy Eat World
“Alive” – Pearl Jam
“This Is Now” – Hatebreed
“Closer to the Sun” – Slightly Stoopid
