To the Good Men: Thank You

The long-awaited post, as mentioned in my guest appearance on Porch Talk with Spade (Episode 8).

So I’ve made it a point to shout out the incredible women in my life — my sisters, soulmates, healers, business queens, and co-warriors. And rightfully so. But today, I want to flip the script for a minute and give some long-overdue love to a group we don’t always talk about when it comes to healing, strength, and support…

The good men.

Over the years, friendships have come and gone, and life has shown me again and again that people come into our lives exactly when they’re meant to. Sometimes it’s a blessing. Sometimes it’s a lesson. And sometimes, it’s both.

Recently, I reminded a friend — who was grieving the end of a relationship simply for setting a boundary — that sometimes the Universe (God, Spirit, whatever name you prefer) removes people we wouldn’t have removed ourselves. That gentle nudge helped her shift perspective. And it reminded me how sacred it is when the right people stay. Or show up exactly when we need them most.

I’ve heard people say, “Men and women can’t be just friends.” And I don’t buy it. I think it’s absolutely possible — with respect, boundaries, and clarity. Some of the most meaningful, grounding, and honest relationships in my life have been with men who never asked anything of me other than to just be myself.

These are men who let me vent, cry, cuss, and be “one of the guys” when I needed that space. But also showed me emotional depth, vulnerability, and truth that broke stereotypes and healed my heart in ways I didn’t know I needed.

And more importantly — they showed up for my kids.

As some of you know, and others will find out, my boys don’t have active or healthy fathers in their lives. And while that’s a story for another day (or a podcast), what I want to say is this: when my oldest was struggling this past year, I had the honor of calling on some truly remarkable men who stepped up. Who gave their time, their presence, their wisdom, and their love — with no strings attached.

Men who checked in, showed up, and stood tall.
Men who reminded my son that he matters, and that being a man includes being kind, vulnerable, strong, and soft.
Men who reminded me that I’m a badass mom even when I felt like I was barely holding it together.

These are men breaking generational cycles. Men becoming what they never had. Men raising children who aren’t biologically theirs, loving them as their own. Men grieving devastating losses. Navigating toxic co-parenting dynamics. Fighting addiction. Battling mental health in silence. Doing the same emotional work we talk about with women — but without the same community or encouragement.

And still, they show up.

One friend of mine — who has supported me and my boys countless times — recently confided that he was in a dark mental space. And it hit me like a wave. Because I don’t know what our lives would look like without him in it. But he spoke up. And that, to me, is a superpower. In a world where men are told to “man up” instead of speak out, that kind of vulnerability is revolutionary.

So today, this one’s for the men who don’t always get the thanks they deserve.

To the ones who stand beside women, not in front of or behind them.
To the ones who break cycles and build bridges.
To the ones who are healing too — even if the world rarely makes space for your tears.
To the ones who treat friendship as sacred, not transactional.
To the ones raising good humans, with or without a blueprint.

Thank you.

For the strength you show.
For the strength you hide.
For reminding us all that goodness still exists.

We may talk a lot about women’s healing on this blog — and we will continue to — because we talk about what we live. But make no mistake: your healing matters too.

So here’s to the good men. The ones who help build the life we dream of. One friendship, one conversation, one act of love at a time.

With a safe space and a hug,
Lauren

P.S. You should know who you are, but just in case:
Brian (Imperial Photography), Dylan, Taylor, Casey, Christian, Brandon, Kevin, Gerret, Worth, Jim… thank you.

Resources

Reading List for Men

Reading List for Women

Journal Prompts for Men

Journal Prompts for Women

Fixing Each Other’s Crowns

A Tribute to Friendship, Growth, and Grace

This is my page, so let me shamelessly promote my friend’s business: TiffyKakes — creative genius, confectionary artist, and one of the fiercest women I’ve ever had the honor of doing life with.

But business accolades aside, let me tell you about my friend Tiffany — a woman who continues to inspire me more with each passing year.

We met through our significant others shortly after both relocating to Alabama — me from Baltimore, her from Houston. We were both tall Texas girls, but that’s where the similarities seemed to end... at least at first glance.

Our first meeting was at a flea market (which, to this day, she had no business being at — she was a vision of elegance while I was chasing a toddler in a hoodie, covered in queso). I never imagined we’d become the kind of friends that hold each other’s legs in delivery rooms — but here we are, years and two god-babies later, woven into each other’s stories forever.

When she became devastatingly ill with lupus a little over a year after giving birth, I watched her strength take on a new shape. Tiffany has never been one to sit still, but lupus forced her to reshape her life. From that pain, TiffyKakes was born — a business that gave her creative outlet, freedom, and fire, even on days when it hurt to move. She says I planted the seed. Maybe I did. But she built the garden.

Since I first wrote this post years ago, so much has changed — for both of us. I've now come to accept my own diagnosis with fibromyalgia, and it’s been a journey filled with pain, clarity, surrender, and healing. Our stories, though different, mirror each other in the ways we’ve had to rebuild.

Even more beautifully — both of our children are now starting their own businesses. Watching her daughter grow into a mini powerhouse is just chef's kiss. Seeing her lead by example and continue to thrive, not just survive, is awe-inspiring.

And the best update of all? After years of unrelenting pain, Tiffany is finally in remission.

She still doesn’t always see what we all do — the powerhouse of a woman, mother, creator, and friend she is. But if she forgets, I’ll be here to fix her crown. Because she’s done the same for me — time and time again.

On Friendship and Finding Your People

As we get older, making genuine friends becomes harder. We move, we raise families, we work nonstop, we heal, we hide. Life makes us cautious, tired, guarded. And sometimes, we feel too broken or too busy to connect.

When I moved to Alabama, I didn’t know anyone. I didn’t have a village here, or any clue how to build one. But then, two things happened that changed that: I found a community of bold, vibrant women in Mobile’s Divas, and I strapped on skates with the Mobile Derby Darlings.

Let me tell you, nothing builds fast trust like bruises and laps and laughter shared with women who refuse to let you fall alone — on or off the track.

Those early friendships, like the one I have with Tiffany, were lifelines. They reminded me that connection is worth the effort — that there are women out there who will clap for you when you win and hold you when you don't. That it's never too late to find your people.

If I had let insecurities or snap judgments define our first meeting, I would’ve missed out on one of the most important friendships in my life. Tiffany is not only a role model to my kids and an anchor in my chaos, but she’s also proof of what happens when women support each other instead of compete.

So, to all of you reading this:

May you have friends who see your crown even when it slips.
May you be the kind of person who reminds others of their light.
And may you never underestimate the power of building life with women who lift as they climb.

And to the true friends I’ve found along the way—the incredible women who’ve become more like family—thank you. Life is richer, softer, and more meaningful with you in it. Your presence has been one of my greatest blessings.

Love you always, Queens,

Lauren

Resources

Fixing Each Other’s Crowns Journal Prompts

Fixing Each Other’s Crowns Reading List

The Weight I Didn’t Know I Was Carrying

Fibromyalgia, Energy Healing, and Finally Listening to My Body

In January of 2014, I was finishing my master’s degree, working full-time, raising my then 3-year-old son as a single mom, and trying to push through the exhaustion with willpower and bad coffee. I had never liked coffee—honestly, the smell alone repulsed me—but I trained myself to tolerate it, like slowly introducing poison, just to keep going.

I knew something was off.
But I told myself I was just tired. Just overworked.
Pain? That was just part of life… right?

When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I rejected it completely. My mother had the same diagnosis—after years of being told it was lupus. I watched her suffer, struggle to function, and be shuffled through medications that never seemed to help. I couldn’t accept that was my path too.

So, I didn’t.
I ignored it.
I powered through the pain—roller derby injuries, gym workouts, broken tailbones, chipped bones—walking it off like a champ and chalking it up to being tough.

But I wasn’t just tough.
I was disconnected from my body.

Relearning Pain, Relearning Myself

Through pregnancy, injuries, and countless misdiagnoses—ADHD, depression, hypersomnia, insomnia—I told myself this was normal. It wasn’t until 2024, a full decade later, that I met a P.A. who finally connected the dots and looked me in the eye and said, “It’s time to take this seriously.”

He explained fibromyalgia as a neurological disorder, often tied to trauma and PTSD. He wasn’t dismissive or vague. He made it clear: This is real. This is in your body. And it deserves your attention.

That moment flipped a switch.
I dove into research like my life depended on it—because, in many ways, it did.
Suddenly, everything made sense.
The misfires. The exhaustion. The stubborn weight. The pain.
All the symptoms I had tried to manage separately… were deeply connected.

Healing Isn’t Just Clinical

With the right medication, a supportive new primary care doctor, and actual rest, my life started to shift. I lost 30 pounds. I had more energy. My mood lifted. My brain fog cleared. And I even got off some of the medications I’d been taking for years (under supervision, of course).

But that’s only part of the story.

The Wisdom of Ancient Healing

As I began learning about energy healing, I found myself looking backward as much as forward. Long before fibromyalgia had a clinical name, countless ancient tribes and healing traditions around the world already understood what many of us are just rediscovering—that illness isn’t just physical. It’s emotional. It’s spiritual.

In many cultures—from Indigenous tribes across the Americas to Chinese, Indian, and African traditions—pain was seen as a sign of imbalance in the energy body. Trauma was not simply a psychological event, but a soul injury, often treated with ceremony, energy work, bodywork, herbs, or ritual.

Practices like Reiki, cupping, acupuncture, and breathwork were rooted in the idea that healing must happen across all levels—physical, emotional, energetic, and spiritual. There was no shame in seeking healing. There was wisdom in it.

Enter Kodo—And The Session That Shifted Everything

Last month, an old friend from Maryland reached out. Jade, who had also been diagnosed years ago, had taken a more spiritual path and co-founded a holistic healing practice called The WooWrX. She invited me to try something I’d long been curious about: Reiki and intuitive energy healing.

What followed was a distance session guided by both Jade and her husband, combining elements of Reiki, chakra alignment, and deep energetic insight. It was something I didn’t realize how much I needed until it was happening.

They identified pain rooted in my root chakra—the exact place I carry physical pain in my hips and legs. They spoke truth into the silence I had lived with. They helped me release a weight I didn’t even realize I was still carrying.

After the session, my pain didn’t vanish, but it changed. My energy felt lighter. My breath, freer. I wasn’t just managing fibromyalgia—I was finally meeting it with presence.

Chakras, Science & The Grey Area

Since that session, life has done what life does—work trips, missed meds, everyday chaos—but something is different. The pain hasn’t returned in the same intensity. And the wild part? I noticed the shift before I even read their session notes.

Coincidence? Placebo? Maybe.
But healing isn’t black and white.

This is the grey space—where ancient knowledge and modern medicine don’t contradict each other… they complete each other.

We are more than bodies. We are energy. We are story.
And we are worthy of healing from all directions.

What I Want You to Take Away

If you're living with fibromyalgia or chronic illness—or even just unexplained exhaustion and disconnection—please, please be your own advocate. Doctors are knowledgeable, but they’re not omniscient. If your diagnosis doesn’t feel complete, keep digging. If your treatment isn’t helping, explore the spaces between.

Lean into your curiosity. Lean into the discomfort.
And when your body whispers—listen.

It might be telling you everything you need to know.

What’s Helped Me (So Far):

• A supportive primary care provider who listens

• A balanced medication and supplement routine

• Researching the neurological & trauma links behind fibromyalgia

• Reiki + energy healing (like Kodo through The WooWrX)

• Letting go of shame and guilt for needing care

• Honoring ancient healing practices with an open heart

This post isn’t medical advice. It’s my story.
It’s a reminder that we are not just pain.
We are not just labels.
We are not broken.

We are building—slowly, gently, beautifully.

With love & healing,
Lauren

Resources

Reclaiming Your Energy & Listening to Your Body Reading List

Reclaiming Your Energy & Listening to Your Body Journal Prompts

The Power of Saying No (Without Guilt)

A couple of weeks ago, I co-hosted our monthly event for my women’s group.
First—let me brag about this group and its founder. She’s an incredible woman and mama who created something really special: a space for women from all walks of life to come together once a month—to connect, laugh, learn, or just breathe.

Not being originally from here, and after I stepped away from roller derby (which deserves its own post, and trust me, we’ll get there), it’s been hard to make adult female friendships. But I’ve been part of this group for about six years now, and it’s something I genuinely look forward to.

Last month’s event? A wellness night and acupuncture clinic.

Huge shoutout to Ivy Garden of Wellness and my amazing friends Jess and Tacy—link below because, yes, I am absolutely plugging women who pour into other women.

As women filtered in for treatment, I created a list of mindfulness questions for them to sit with while they waited. Nothing too heavy—just little prompts to nudge them back toward themselves.
But something surprising (and kinda heavy) happened:

Many of us couldn’t answer them.
We literally had to pause and think hard… about things like:

"What do I need more of?"
"When was the last time I did something just for myself?"
"What emotion have I been avoiding?"

These aren’t trick questions. But they’re hard when you’ve spent so much time taking care of everyone else.
Hard when you always say yes.
Hard when you’ve been handing out parts of yourself on autopilot for years.

Burnout Isn’t a Buzzword—It’s a Silent Epidemic

So many of us—especially women—have been taught that saying yes is noble. That being needed is our value. That if we say no, we’re letting someone down.

And listen, nurturing is in our bones. Caregiving is instinctual for many of us. But what happens when we’ve given away so much care that we forget to care for ourselves?

We burn out.
And not just in the "I'm tired" way.
We feel guilty when we rest.
We feel selfish for needing space.
We feel uncomfortable not helping, even when we have nothing left to give.

We turn ourselves into emotional overdraft accounts, constantly handing out more than we’ve replenished.

You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup—And You Shouldn’t Have To

If your body, mind, and spirit were a bank account, would you be in the negative right now?
Think about it.

Every time you get a little deposit—an hour alone, a compliment, a nap, a podcast that stirs your soul—you immediately give it away.
You don’t let your balance build.
You don’t give yourself permission to keep the good stuff for yourself first.

And then… the metaphorical flat tire hits.
The emotional emergency.
The unexpected bill.

And you realize: You’ve got nothing left to cover it.

Saying “No” Isn’t Selfish. It’s Sacred.

Saying no isn’t a rejection of others. It’s a reclamation of self.
It’s setting a boundary that says:

“I am worthy of rest.”
“I need time to replenish.”
“I am not abandoning you—I am choosing me.”

We’re not just fighting people-pleasing habits.
We’re unlearning ancestral patterns, too. Generations of women before us didn’t always have the permission or privilege to say no.
They survived by putting everyone else first.
And now, we carry that guilt like it’s inherited.

But it stops with us.
Not because we don’t care.
But because we care so much—we know we can’t keep living this way.

How to Break the Yes Cycle and Heal From Burnout

Here are a few ways to start gently honoring your own capacity:

1. Practice Saying “Let Me Get Back to You”

You don’t owe an immediate yes. Give yourself space to check in with your energy before committing.

2. Check Your Capacity, Not Just Your Calendar

Just because your schedule is open doesn’t mean your nervous system is. Energy matters more than availability.

3. Start With Small “No’s”

Decline an extra task. Skip an event. Say no to guilt-tripping yourself into overextending.

4. Create a “Replenishment List”

Write down 5 things that refill your cup (even if it’s silence, a nap, or watching water boil in peace). Do one weekly.

5. Ask: Who or What Pours Into Me?

Your giving shouldn't be one-sided. Relationships should be reciprocal. If no one’s pouring into you—you’re allowed to pause, refill, and protect your peace.

This Is the Work of Rebuilding

This blog—The Building Life—isn’t just about furniture flips, home projects, or poetic reflections.
It’s about rebuilding from the inside out.
Tearing down beliefs that no longer serve us.
Saying yes to ourselves with the same energy we give to everyone else.

So here’s your permission slip (in case no one’s handed you one lately):
You can say no and still be kind.
You can rest and still be worthy.
You can be full of love without being emptied out.

And when you forget—come back here.
We’re building something better.

With a boundary and a hug,
Lauren 🤎

Shoutout to Ivy Garden of Wellness, Jess & Tacy – thank you for holding space for women to come home to themselves.

Resources

Saying No, Boundaries & Burnout Reading List

Saying No, Boundaries & Burnout Journal Prompts

Welcome (Back) to The Building Life

Originally dreamed up in 2020, reborn now—with spirit, grace, and a much bigger toolbox.

Hey friend,

Thank you for showing up—and welcome (or welcome back) to The Building Life.

This blog and podcast have lived in my heart for years. The idea first sparked in 2020, in the middle of a wildly uncertain time, when I was craving more purpose, clarity, and connection. Like many of you, I was navigating the chaos of life, trying to make sense of it all while raising my boys, holding down work, and still remembering who I was underneath it all.

I’ve tried to launch this space more than once, but life has a way of… well, life-ing. Being a single mom means time is never your own. Add in work, relationships, house projects, unexpected turns, and just trying to stay sane—and it’s easy to see how some dreams get pushed to the back burner.

But here's the truth: this dream never really left. It just needed to grow with me.

What’s Changing (and What’s Not)

The Building Life is still about the same things that inspired me from the beginning:

• Navigating real-life struggles with honesty and humor

• Creating a meaningful life through intention, creativity, and chaos

• Finding healing through home, heart, and hustle

But now, we’re coming back with fresh eyes, deeper perspective, and a whole lot more stories to tell.

We’ll revisit some early content and conversations—this time with new tools, new wisdom, and maybe a little more wine. And we’ll be diving into some beautiful new territory too: healing, creativity, self-love, spirituality, DIY life hacks, and what it really means to rebuild from the inside out.

About the Podcast

Yes, the podcast is coming too! Think kitchen-table conversations about:

• Being a mom while trying not to lose yourself

• Learning to set boundaries and build again after heartbreak

• Talking to experts, friends, and people who’ve been through it

• The messy, magical work of building a life that feels like yours

Who This Is For

This space is for the dreamers, the doers, the tired mamas, the recovering people-pleasers, the creatives, the ones healing while hustling, and anyone who’s ever said:

"I want more, but I’m exhausted."

Same.

Let’s talk about it. Let’s build some sh*t. Let’s figure it out together.

Want to Be Part of It?

I’d love to hear from you—what do you want to talk about? What are you building in your life right now?

Drop a comment, subscribe to the newsletter, or follow along on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and YouTube.

We’re just getting started.

With love and a hammer,

Lauren
The Building Life